Let’s get one thing straight: if someone finds you intimidating, that’s not your red flag—it’s theirs.

It doesn’t mean you’re “too much.” It means they’re not enough woman (or man) to handle your energy. And honestly? That’s their cross to bear. Not yours.

Listen. I’ve had people avoid me like I walk around with a sword in one hand and a mirror in the other. Case in point: A friend of mine wanted to introduce me to his girlfriend. She stalked my Instagram and decided she was “too intimidated” to meet me.

Girl, what?! I’m 5’ nothing. I live in stretchy pants, talk to my plants, and cry during really emotional romcom scenes. But yes, I also have a strong voice, bold energy, and zero time for small talk about the weather. If your nervous system can’t handle a little power in a crop top, that’s a you thing.

Here’s what I’ve come to realize: when people say you’re intimidating, what they actually mean is, “You make me feel small, and I don’t know how to regulate my insecurity in your presence.”

Let me say it louder for the people in the back:

✨ Confidence doesn’t intimidate secure people—only insecure ones. ✨

Same goes for dating. There were times I wondered, “Why is this so hard?” And the truth was, it wasn’t because I wasn’t attractive or kind or interesting. It was because a lot of men saw me, felt my energy, and tapped out. Not because I was mean, but because I didn’t shrink to fit the room.

I’ve definitely crossed paths with people who gave off “don’t mess with me” energy, both men and women. A past boss, for example, had that dry, serious vibe that could easily make someone want to shrink. But I didn’t. I held my ground, stayed in my natural, lively energy… and guess what? Not only did he match it, he even cracked some jokes. (Dry humor, but hey I’ll take it.)

Same thing happened when I interviewed with a clinical director for a volunteer gig. She had a powerful, commanding presence that could have been intimidating. But I didn’t flinch. I met her energy with mine. And by the end of the interview, she looked me dead in the eye and said, “I like your energy.”

The truth is, when you don’t back down from confident people, something magical happens: You realize they’re not scary. They’re just strong. And strength recognizes strength.

So instead of ghosting the moment, I stay. I connect. I hold my vibe. And more often than not, it leads to something real.

So if someone calls you intimidating, take it as a freaking compliment. What they really mean is:

• “You seem to like yourself and I don’t know how to do that yet.”

• “You take up space and I’ve been trained to shrink.”

• “You radiate realness and I’m still hiding.”

You are not here to dial it down so others feel comfortable in your presence. You are not a dimmer switch. You are the sun. Shine on, babe. Let ‘em squint.