We’ve been sold a lie.

We’re told that if we just work hard enough, prepare long enough, fix every flaw, and present ourselves perfectly… then we’ll finally feel confident.

But perfectionism doesn’t create confidence. It creates pressure. Anxiety. Self-monitoring. And this quiet belief that “I’m not allowed to be seen until I’m flawless.”

Which is exactly why you still don’t feel confident — even after all the prep, the polish, the overthinking.

My Own Personal Perfection Trap

Here’s my personal flavor of perfectionism:

Every time I go to record a video, something switches on in my brain. I stop sounding like myself (goofy, blunt, expressive), and suddenly I’m trying to sound polished and professional — like a TED Talk host who’s memorized every sentence.

It’s ridiculous, and I know it. But that urge to sound perfect hijacks me anyway.

And it’s not even about the video. It’s about this deep belief that if I mess up — if I ramble, stumble over a word, or don’t sound “smart enough” — I’ll lose credibility. Or worse… people will judge me.

So I’d record take after take after take. Not to be better — but to be perfect.

And guess what? All it did was make me more self-conscious, more exhausted, and less like myself.

Perfection Doesn’t Build Confidence. It Kills It.

Here’s why perfectionism and confidence can’t exist in the same room:

• Perfectionism says, “Don’t mess up.” Confidence says, “Even if I mess up, I’ll be okay.”
• Perfectionism makes you perform. Confidence lets you show up.
• Perfectionism demands control. Confidence requires trust — in yourself, in the moment, in your voice.

Confidence isn’t born from perfect execution — it’s born from evidence. Evidence that you can handle things not going perfectly and still survive. Still be worthy. Still be powerful.

You can’t build that kind of confidence if you never let yourself try until you’re flawless.

Where Perfection Shows Up (Outside of a Camera Lens)

Maybe you’re not obsessing over videos. Maybe it shows up here:

• You don’t speak up in a meeting unless you’re 100% sure what you’re saying is brilliant.
• You reread every email five times before sending it.
• You say “yes” to things you don’t want because disappointing someone feels too imperfect.
• You delay launching the business, the podcast, the idea… because it’s “not ready yet.”

Perfection disguises itself as preparation. But really? It’s procrastinated fear.

So How Do You Build Confidence Instead?

You stop performing. You start participating.

Confidence comes from reps. From being seen while imperfect — and realizing nothing exploded. You didn’t die. People didn’t walk away. In fact… some leaned in closer.

Because real is magnetic.

Try this this week:

Do one thing imperfectly on purpose.

• Record a one-take video and don’t edit it to death.
• Voice message someone instead of crafting the “perfect text.”
• Wear the outfit you love instead of the one you think looks “acceptable.”
• Share the idea before it’s fully formed.

Let it be messy. Let it feel awkward. Let it live.

The Truth Most Confident Women Know

Confidence isn’t “I’m perfect.”

It’s “I trust myself — even when I’m not.”

And that trust? You don’t earn it by avoiding mistakes. You earn it by making them… and realizing you’re still safe, still worthy, still powerful.

So no, perfection won’t make you feel confident.

But being brave enough to show up — unfiltered, unpolished, undeniably real?

That will.