Sexuality and Shame In Women

Fierce Confidence

Let me share a story with you…

I grew up in a religious family. I grew up believing that I needed to wait until I was married to experience sex. While that is a nice, idyllic thought, I felt an immense amount of shame because of it that followed me through to my thirties. 

You see, I’ve felt a sexual desire since I was in my late teens. But I suppressed it. I was afraid to lean into it for fear I would become an evil person. Yes, an evil person. 

Well I wasn’t ready to be married in my 20s. So I didn’t wait until marriage. Looking back, I wondered if my earlier sexual experiences would’ve been more thoughtful, more enjoyable if I wasn’t intensely criticizing myself over each one. I would literally have an inner dialogue going on in my head at the prospect of a new sexual partner. It was maddening. 

It wasn’t until my mid-thirties that I started to deconstruct that limiting, shameful narrative in my head. Sex doesn’t make me a bad person. Sex makes me human. I can be thoughtful about sex AND enjoy it AND still maintain my values because spirituality and sexuality are not mutually exclusive. 

Maybe you feel a similar shameful narrative that stems from living in a male-dominated environment, or inherited from family, or something completely different. I just want you to know that it’s not YOUR story. You are the SOUL owner of your life story. You get to write your own story.