Ladies, let’s talk about boundaries — the sexy personal growth tool that everyone from your therapist to your TikTok feed is telling you to set. “Protect your peace!” “Cut them off if they cross the line!” “If they don’t respect your boundaries, they don’t deserve you!”

Sure, boundaries are essential. They keep you sane, protect your energy, and stop you from turning into the human equivalent of a doormat. But — and it’s a big but — boundaries can also backfire hard if you’re not setting them with the right mindset. So, let’s get real about the times when “setting a boundary” is actually just sabotaging yourself.

And since our theme this month in The Confidence Circle is Empowered by Boundaries, let’s make sure we’re actually setting the kind of boundaries that EMPOWER us — not the kind that isolate us, control others, or keep us stuck.

🚧 1. When Your Boundaries Are Just Emotional Walls in Disguise

If your boundaries are so airtight that no one can get through, you’re not setting boundaries — you’re building a fortress.

👉 “I don’t need anyone.” Cool story, but human connection isn’t optional. Setting boundaries to avoid vulnerability might feel safe in the moment, but long-term? You’ll find yourself lonely AF, wondering why you feel so disconnected.

Empowered boundaries let you protect your peace without locking out intimacy and support.

👊 2. When Boundaries Are Actually Just Control Tactics

“I’m setting a boundary: you can’t talk to her anymore.” Nope. That’s not a boundary — that’s controlling someone else’s behavior. A real boundary sounds more like, “If you keep lying to me about your texts, I’m out.”

You don’t get to control other people. You DO get to decide what you’ll tolerate and how you’ll respond. Big difference.

Boundaries empower YOU — not other people’s choices.

🏃‍♀️ 3. When Boundaries Are Just Avoidance Dressed Up as Empowerment

Refusing to have difficult conversations and calling it a “boundary” isn’t you protecting your peace — it’s you running away.

👉 “I’m setting a boundary — I don’t want to talk about this.” Nah, girl. You’re just dodging the hard stuff. Real growth happens when you face discomfort head-on, not when you slap a “boundary” sticker on avoidance.

Empowered boundaries create emotional safety — they don’t shut down communication.

🪞 4. When “Setting Boundaries” Means Refusing to Be Held Accountable

If you’re using boundaries as a shield against feedback, you’re not setting boundaries — you’re avoiding responsibility.

👉 “I’m setting a boundary — I don’t want to hear any negativity.” Okay, but if your friend is telling you that you hurt her feelings, that’s not negativity — that’s accountability. Boundaries shouldn’t be an excuse to stay stuck.

Empowered boundaries make room for feedback without sacrificing your self-worth.

💣 5. When Boundaries Are So Rigid They Become Self-Sabotage

If you cut people off the second they disappoint you, you’re not setting boundaries — you’re expecting perfection.

👉 “I told him not to text me after 9 PM and he did — bye!” Girl, chill. There’s a difference between having standards and micromanaging human behavior. Flexibility doesn’t mean weakness — it means you’re mature enough to know that people are messy.

Empowered boundaries allow for human mistakes without compromising your value.

✅ What Healthy Boundaries Actually Look Like

• They’re about YOU — what you’ll tolerate, how you’ll respond, and how you’ll protect your energy.

• They’re communicated clearly (because no one’s a mind reader).

• They leave room for compromise and human imperfection.

• They’re not based on fear or control — they’re based on self-respect.

So yeah, set those boundaries. Protect your peace. But don’t confuse self-preservation with emotional isolation. Don’t confuse standards with control. And definitely don’t confuse running away with growth.

Because the goal isn’t to build walls — it’s to stand in your power without shutting out the world.

👉 Want to go even deeper? Download my Empowered Boundaries Workbook and get the exact scripts and strategies to set boundaries like a boss — without the guilt or drama. Grab your copy here! 💥

Photo credit: Charles Deluvio