Single over 30?

This month I’m focusing on the false beliefs that society would us believe about women. And exposing the 💩 behind them. 

Starting with the false belief that if you’re over the age of 30 (or some other arbitrary number) and single, that something is wrong with you or you are un-lovable.  

I call 💩💩!! 

It’s because of this false story that some women stay in unfulfilling or even toxic relationships. Because anything is better than being single! 

Society has labeled women who are single as damaged goods. Again, total 💩💩💩!! This predates the 20th century when women needed to rely on being married by a certain age in order to thrive in society. They typically weren’t taught any life skills and had limited education. So young girls were groomed to become a dutiful wife and mother, and nothing more. If they couldn’t secure a husband by a certain age, they were labeled a spinster. Because what value did a woman have to offer to a man if she couldn’t give him children to carry on the family name? <face palm> 

And even though women have become way more independent and self-reliant  and the medical field has become quite expansive since then, we are still stuck with this archaic mentality. It’s insidious.  

I’d like to point out that some women intentionally choose to be single because that is what makes them happy. Keep doing you boo! Don’t feel forced to be in a relationship just because your family thinks you should be. After all, they’re not living YOUR life. 

Or you may be single but intentionally looking for a life partner and you are being discerning about who you want to invest your time in. Finding someone who aligns with your values, and you with their values, is a process. It takes time to find someone that you are willing to spend your life with. You shouldn’t be expected to find that person before you hit 30, or 40, 50, etc. There’s no time limit on that process.  

But Rachel, what if I want to have children with a partner, and my biological clock is ticking? Hey I’m in the same boat! I just turned 40 and my mom is convinced I won’t be able to have a healthy pregnancy in my 40s. I’m not a doctor, so I can’t speak about your body. But if you look around, people are having children later and later in life. And like my labor and delivery nurse friends have told me, “yes, your risk for complications with birth increase after 35, but it’s still relatively low overall.” Bottom line: talk with your doctor. 

So whether you are choosing to be single, or actively looking for a partner, don’t allow society to dictate where you should be. You are exactly where you need to be right now. Take comfort in knowing that we as women have so many opportunities to design the life we want. Thank God!

“I am choosing the path I want for my life. And f*ck what anyone else thinks.”